Who Wrote Proverbs 31?

Proverbs 31 is often associated with King Solomon, who wrote much of the book of Proverbs. 

However, this specific chapter begins with a note: "The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him" (Proverbs 31:1, NKJV). While scholars debate whether King Lemuel is another name for Solomon or a different ruler, what’s clear is that this wisdom comes from a godly mother passing advice to her son.

Her counsel addresses leadership, character, and purity. She warns him to avoid two major pitfalls: women who could sap his strength and strong drink that clouds judgment. The verse we’re focusing on falls into the first category: guarding one’s strength when it comes to relationships.

What Does Proverbs 31:3 Say?

The NKJV translates Proverbs 31:3 like this: "Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings."

The Proverbs 31:3 meaning is quite direct. The "strength" refers not only to physical strength but to one’s energy, focus, leadership, and integrity. Lemuel’s mother is warning him against allowing his passion for women to lead him into moral failure, poor decisions, or scandal, dangers that have destroyed many leaders throughout history.

Later in the chapter, Proverbs 31 describes a very different kind of woman, one who embodies wisdom, dignity, and strength. This shows that the warning in verse 3 isn’t directed at all women, but specifically at those who would lead a man into sin and destruction.

What Does the Bible Say About Chasing Women?

The Bible speaks very clearly about the danger of pursuing women driven by lust rather than godly wisdom. Proverbs 5:3-5 warns, "For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of hell." 

Scripture consistently warns that following the path of sexual temptation leads not only to personal ruin, but to spiritual death. Proverbs 7 gives a vivid illustration of a young man who, lacking understanding, is seduced by a woman who leads him "as an ox goes to the slaughter" (Proverbs 7:22). The pursuit of such relationships is not merely unwise; it is dangerous to the soul.

However, the Bible does not condemn all pursuit of women. When motivated by godly intentions, such as seeking a wife with virtue, character, and fear of the Lord, pursuit is honorable and even encouraged. Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD." The key difference is whether a man seeks selfish pleasure or godly companionship.

Why Does Proverbs Warn Against Giving Your Strength to Women?

The warning in Proverbs 31:3 reflects a repeated biblical pattern. When a man gives his strength, his attention, resources, and focus to the wrong kind of woman, he opens himself to ruin. The lives of biblical figures like Samson (Judges 16) and Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-4) serve as sobering examples.

• Samson's downfall came when he gave his strength to Delilah. She ultimately betrayed him, leading to his capture and humiliation.
• Solomon, despite his wisdom, fell into idolatry because of his many foreign wives who turned his heart away from God.

This is why Proverbs 31:3 includes the phrase "nor your ways to that which destroys kings." Even the greatest leaders can fall when sexual sin or lust takes over.

The Dangers of Lust and Immorality in Proverbs

Throughout Proverbs, the dangers of sexual immorality are emphasized repeatedly:

• Proverbs 6:32: "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul."
• Proverbs 7:26-27: "For she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men. Her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death."

The repeated warnings make it clear why Proverbs 31:3 urges young men not to chase after destructive relationships.

Even today, this applies. Many are tempted by worldly definitions of success, pleasure, and love that contradict God’s design. When we ignore these warnings, we risk not only broken relationships but spiritual damage as well.

The Strength of a Woman in the Bible

While Proverbs 31:3 warns men not to give their strength to the wrong kind of women, the rest of Proverbs 31 describes what a woman of strength in the Bible truly looks like. Proverbs 31:25 says: "Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come."

This is often quoted as a woman’s strength Bible verse, celebrating the noble character of a godly woman. A Proverbs 31 woman of strength is industrious, wise, compassionate, and deeply devoted to her family and God.

Proverbs 31:30 further emphasizes: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." In other words, true strength isn’t found in physical attraction but in spiritual character.

The Bible honors women who show strength through humility, wisdom, and godliness. This is the opposite of the destructive women warned against in Proverbs 31:3. The strength of a woman in the Bible is a gift, not a danger, when submitted to God's design.

How to Apply Proverbs 31:3 to Your Life Today

Proverbs 31:3 gives a timeless warning. While originally addressed to King Lemuel, its meaning holds deep relevance for believers today, offering clear direction for both men and women.

For Men: Pursue Purity and Godly Discernment

Men are called to guard their hearts and resist the temptation of ungodly relationships. In a world that often glorifies lust, casual dating, and sexual immorality, Proverbs 31:3 stands as a strong call to resist these destructive patterns. Relationships should not be driven by physical attraction or selfish desire but should reflect godly intentions.

Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God."

This means men should prayerfully seek relationships where Christ is at the center. Rather than chasing after multiple women or allowing lust to dictate choices, godly men pursue purity, patience, and wisdom, trusting God to lead them to the right spouse in His perfect timing.

For Women: Embrace Godly Strength and Character

For women, Proverbs 31:3 is not a condemnation but a reminder of the high calling found throughout Proverbs 31. The woman of strength in the Bible is one who fears the Lord, walks in wisdom, and lives with dignity. Proverbs 31:25 describes her beautifully, reminding of her honor.

Women are called to focus not on external beauty or worldly charm, but on developing a heart that honors God. 1 Peter 3:3-4 echoes this truth: "Do not let your adornment be merely outward... rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

When women prioritize spiritual maturity and godly virtue, they reflect the very opposite of the temptation warned about in Proverbs 31:3. They become a blessing rather than a stumbling block.

For Everyone: Guard Your Heart from Worldly Desires

The warning of Proverbs 31:3 applies to both men and women as a caution against allowing worldly desires to pull us away from God’s will. Lust, emotional attachments outside of God’s design, or any form of self-centered desire can gradually erode spiritual strength.

As 2 Timothy 2:22 advises:

"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

This means actively resisting not only physical temptation but also emotional and spiritual compromises that can weaken your walk with God. It involves being careful about what you watch, listen to, and entertain in your mind. Avoiding flirtation, inappropriate emotional bonds, or secret relationships outside of God’s standards protects the purity of your heart.

Practical ways to apply Proverbs 31:3 daily:

• Stay in God’s Word. Daily reading of Scripture renews your mind and strengthens your convictions.
• Pray for wisdom. Ask God regularly to guard your heart and guide your relationships.
• Set clear boundaries. Avoid compromising situations that can lead to temptation.
• Choose godly friendships. Surround yourself with believers who encourage purity and accountability.
• Seek counsel. Don’t hesitate to ask for guidance from trusted spiritual mentors or pastors when facing relationship decisions.

Ultimately, Proverbs 31:3 is a loving safeguard from God, designed to protect His people from spiritual destruction and to lead them toward lives of holiness, wisdom, and lasting joy.

Bible Verses About Men Chasing Women

Here are additional Bible verses that address the consequences of ungodly relationships and uncontrolled desires:

• Proverbs 5:8-9: "Remove your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others, and your years to the cruel one."
• 1 Corinthians 6:18: "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."
• Ecclesiastes 7:26: "And I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be trapped by her."
• Proverbs 2:16-19: "To deliver you from the immoral woman, from the seductress who flatters with her words... for her house leads down to death, and her paths to the dead."

These verses confirm the consistent biblical teaching on why chasing women outside of God’s will leads to disaster.

Learn More About Proverbs with Bible Chat

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Conclusion

Proverbs 31:3 offers a simple but powerful warning: don’t waste your strength chasing destructive relationships. In every generation, God’s wisdom remains the same. Instead of following lust and fleeting desires, we are called to pursue wisdom, purity, and godly character.

Whether you’re a man guarding your heart or a woman striving to become a woman of strength, the Bible verse speaks about, Proverbs 31 challenges all of us to live with wisdom and purpose under God’s direction. And when we follow His ways, we protect ourselves from unnecessary sorrow and step into His blessing.

References

• Who was King Lemuel in Proverbs 31?, https://www.gotquestions.org/King-Lemuel.html, accessed on 3.06.2025;
• What should we learn from the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31?, https://www.gotquestions.org/Proverbs-31-virtuous-woman.html, accessed on 3.06.2025;
• The Holy Bible, New King James Version. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982.

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