Is there ever a point where forgiving someone might be the wrong choice?

Question

The Bible teaches that forgiveness is always right, but it's important to understand its context.

Accepted Answer

# Is There Ever a Point Where Forgiving Someone Might Be the Wrong Choice?

The Bible consistently teaches the importance of forgiveness, and it does not suggest that forgiving someone is ever wrong. However, it is important to understand what forgiveness is—and what it is not—and how it applies in different situations:

1. **Forgiveness Does Not Mean Endorsing Sinful Behavior:**
   * Forgiving someone does not mean condoning or endorsing their sinful actions. Forgiveness is about releasing the person from the debt of their offense, not approving of what they did. Romans 12:17-19 NKJV says, "Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord."
   * **Application:** When forgiving someone, you are choosing to let go of your right to seek revenge or hold a grudge, but this does not mean that you ignore the wrongness of their actions or that there are no consequences.

2. **Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Reconciliation:**
   * Forgiveness and reconciliation are related but distinct. Forgiveness is something you can do on your own, in your heart, regardless of the other person's response. Reconciliation, on the other hand, requires both parties to work together to rebuild trust. Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV provides a process for addressing offenses within the church, which can lead to reconciliation if both parties are willing.
   * **Application:** There may be situations where reconciliation is not possible or advisable, such as in cases of abuse or ongoing harm. In these cases, forgiveness can still occur, but reconciliation may not be appropriate or safe.

3. **Forgiveness Does Not Mean Ignoring Justice:**
   * While forgiveness is a personal decision to release someone from personal vengeance, it does not negate the need for justice or legal consequences. Romans 13:1-4 NKJV speaks about the role of authorities in upholding justice: "Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves."
   * **Application:** You can forgive someone while still allowing the legal system to address the consequences of their actions. For example, if someone commits a crime, you may forgive them personally, but it does not mean they should avoid legal repercussions.

4. **Forgiveness Does Not Require Forgetting:**
   * The phrase "forgive and forget" is not a biblical mandate. While God’s forgiveness involves Him choosing not to hold our sins against us (Hebrews 8:12 NKJV: "For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more"), this does not mean that we are required to forget the harm done to us. Wisdom may require remembering certain events to protect oneself or others from future harm.
   * **Application:** Forgiving someone does not mean you have to forget what happened or put yourself in a position to be harmed again. It's about releasing bitterness and resentment while maintaining appropriate boundaries.

5. **Forgiveness Is Always the Right Choice in God’s Eyes:**
   * The Bible emphasizes that forgiveness is always the right choice because it reflects God’s mercy and grace toward us. Jesus makes this clear in passages like Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
   * **Application:** Even in difficult situations, choosing to forgive is aligned with God’s will. It frees you from the burden of bitterness and opens the door to God’s peace and healing.

6. **Forgiveness Can Be a Process:**
   * In some cases, forgiveness may not be immediate, and that’s okay. It can be a process that requires time, prayer, and even counseling. Philippians 1:6 NKJV says, "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
   * **Application:** If you find it difficult to forgive, ask God to help you in the process. Seek support from trusted friends, counselors, or spiritual leaders who can guide you through it.

In conclusion, forgiveness is always the right choice according to the Bible, but it must be understood in its full context. Forgiveness does not mean endorsing sin, ignoring justice, or erasing memories, but rather, it is about releasing the personal burden of resentment and aligning your heart with God’s love and mercy.

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