How can you tell the difference between normal attraction and lust?

Distinguishing between normal attraction and lust is important for maintaining purity and honoring God in your thoughts and actions. Here’s how you can tell the difference:

1. Nature of the Desire:

   • Normal Attraction: Normal attraction is a natural response to beauty or admiration for someone’s qualities, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. It’s based on recognizing someone’s attributes without an overwhelming urge to possess or control them.
   • Lust: Lust is an intense and uncontrolled desire that focuses on selfish gratification, often reducing a person to an object for personal pleasure. It involves dwelling on sexual thoughts and fantasies that go beyond simple attraction.
   • Scripture Reference: James 1:14-15 NKJV says, "But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death."
   • Explanation: Lust moves beyond a natural appreciation and enters into a realm of sinful desire that leads to spiritual harm. Normal attraction is not sinful, but it becomes lust when it evolves into covetous or impure thoughts.

2. Focus and Intent:

   • Normal Attraction: The focus of normal attraction is often on the whole person, including their character, personality, and values, not just their physical appearance. It may lead to a healthy, respectful relationship where both people honor each other.
   • Lust: Lust is primarily focused on physical appearance and sexual gratification, disregarding the person’s character or emotional well-being. The intent is self-serving, aiming to satisfy one’s desires without consideration for the other person’s dignity or worth.
   • Scripture Reference: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NKJV says, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God."
   • Explanation: Lust disregards the sanctity and honor of the other person, treating them as a means to an end. In contrast, normal attraction can be the starting point of a relationship that honors God and respects the dignity of both parties.

3. Duration and Control:

   • Normal Attraction: Attraction is typically a brief and controlled response. You can acknowledge it and move on without lingering thoughts. It does not dominate your mind or lead to actions that compromise your integrity or faith.
   • Lust: Lust is persistent and difficult to control. It dominates your thoughts and can lead to actions or behaviors that compromise your moral standards and spiritual life.
   • Scripture Reference: Matthew 5:28 NKJV says, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
   • Explanation: Jesus emphasizes that lingering, lustful thoughts are equivalent to committing adultery in one’s heart. Normal attraction does not lead to such consuming thoughts, whereas lust takes over your mind and intentions.

4. Outcome and Behavior:

   • Normal Attraction: Normal attraction can lead to positive outcomes, such as a meaningful relationship based on mutual respect, love, and shared values. It encourages getting to know the person better, respecting their boundaries, and honoring God in your interactions.
   • Lust: Lust often leads to negative behaviors such as objectification, inappropriate advances, or even sexual immorality. It can result in guilt, shame, and damaged relationships.
   • Scripture Reference: Galatians 5:16 NKJV says, "I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh."
   • Explanation: Walking in the Spirit leads to behaviors that reflect godliness, while giving in to lust leads to actions that are contrary to God’s will. Normal attraction does not lead you into sin, but lust does.

5. Emotional Response:

   • Normal Attraction: Normal attraction might involve feelings of admiration, appreciation, and even the beginning of love. It is accompanied by positive emotions that align with God’s design for relationships.
   • Lust: Lust is often accompanied by feelings of obsession, compulsion, and sometimes guilt or shame after indulging in lustful thoughts or actions.
   • Scripture Reference: Philippians 4:8 NKJV says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."
   • Explanation: Normal attraction aligns with thoughts that are pure and noble, while lust drives thoughts and emotions that are impure and dishonoring to God.

6. Impact on Your Relationship with God:

   • Normal Attraction: Normal attraction, when kept in check and handled in a godly manner, does not interfere with your relationship with God. It can be a natural part of life that leads to godly relationships and even marriage.
   • Lust: Lust draws you away from God, leading to spiritual dryness, guilt, and a sense of separation from God’s presence.
   • Scripture Reference: Psalm 51:10 NKJV says, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me."
   • Explanation: Lust defiles the heart and damages your relationship with God, while normal attraction, if handled correctly, can lead to wholesome relationships that honor God.

7. Respect for the Other Person:

   • Normal Attraction: Normal attraction involves respecting the other person’s boundaries, valuing their dignity, and not crossing lines that would harm them or dishonor God.
   • Lust: Lust objectifies the other person, reducing them to mere physical or sexual objects rather than seeing them as individuals made in the image of God.
   • Scripture Reference: 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NKJV says, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil."
   • Explanation: True love, which may start with normal attraction, is patient and kind, always seeking the best for the other person. Lust, on the other hand, is self-seeking and disrespectful.

In conclusion, normal attraction is a natural and healthy part of human relationships when handled with respect and aligned with God’s principles. Lust, however, is a perversion of this natural attraction, driven by selfish desires that lead to sin. By understanding the difference and setting appropriate boundaries, you can honor God in your relationships and maintain purity in your thoughts and actions.